Dear Auntie Seraphic,
I'm at a dinner party in the UK with five or so men, all of whom I've known for at least three years. They're at the after-dinner, the-port-has-gone-around-sixteen-times joking stage, and the guy beside me, generally a friendly, good-humoured bloke, has just made a Joke Too Far. The table is convulsed. I am currently the only woman in the room. What do I do?
Sincerely,
Auntie Seraphic, age 39++
Dear Auntie Seraphic,
Would your oldest brother have said, "Hey you, that's my sister you're talking about?"
Grace and peace,
Seraphic
Dear Auntie Seraphic,
At very least.
Sincerely,
Auntie Seraphic
Dear Auntie Seraphic,
Does your handbag have sharp corners?
Grace and peace,
Seraphic
Dear Auntie Seraphic.
No. Although stuffed with dictionaries, etc., it is made of lined velvet.
Sincerely,
A.S.
Dear A.S.,
Then I suggest you whack him with it.
Grace and peace,
Seraphic
Dear Auntie Seraphic,
Oh dear. That seems extreme. Obviously I don't want the other men at the table to make jokes like that for the next fifteen years, but hitting people seems wrong and anyway you said hitting men is dangerous.
Sincerely,
A.S.
Dear A.S.,
We are in the murky territory of honour-shame. If it was the sort of comment that makes your brother huff and puff and do that thing with his eyebrows and say "Hey you, that's my sister you're talking about," then the honour-shame balance has been disturbed.
Most women fear men telling a Joke Too Far concerning them in front of other men, and most men fear being hit in front of other men by an angry woman with a handbag (especially if they grew up reading Andy Capp cartoons). So in this particular, unique, possibly-never-to-be-repeated, concrete circumstance, the fastest and least dramatic and, strangely enough, least offensive way to correct the imbalance is to hit the generally friendly and good-humoured malefactor with your handbag. This way his shame will equal your shame, and all will be forgiven, and a message will have been sent.
Grace and peace,
Seraphic
Dear Auntie Seraphic,
Is twice good enough?
A.S.
Dear A.S.
I'd go with three.
Grace and peace,
Seraphic
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In real life, this conversation was instantaneous until the last bit.
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