Anna sent me this link and asked what I thought. And, golly, look at all those married ladies saying, "Go out and get him!" Wow.
I think telling a guy you want to date him is a smack in the face of received wisdom. I think it's cutting to the chase, and women shouldn't chase men. I think it's courting rejection, and women in general take rejection more to heart than men. I think it's a way to get a guy who is too lazy to go after who he wants but will certainly be grateful to receive what he can get without effort. I think it's a way to scandalize the stuffing out of super-trad NCBs, if super-trad NCBs are your cup of Earl Grey.
That said, I can see the benefits of having a bucket of emotional cold water thrown in your face sooner rather than later.
I really do believe that men go after what they want, and if they are grown up enough to want an adult relationship with a woman, than they will go after that relationship and that woman. Absolutely nothing in human culture tells Single men "Hey, don't chase women." Men are encouraged every day and in every way to go out there and get a woman. They might not be told to marry her, and they may be mocked sorely if they are turned down flat. And there's where women can assist the situation.
Men are more likely to ask you out or to be their girlfriend or whatever if they are reasonably sure you are not going to reject them. So if you want men to ask you out, you must be a friendly, approachable, sympathetic kind of woman. You must smile, say hello, ask questions, ask for advice, be a good listener, have open body language (e.g. uncross your arms), and invite nice men to parties you throw with your housemate. Asking men to parties is, I think, what you should do instead of asking men out on dates. And during the party you can ask him to de-cork the wine or get the lid off a jar, which stresses that you know he is a man and that you think men are darned useful to have around.*
The extent of my personal philosophy of girls liking guys is if you like a guy, you may show it by touching his arm. Obviously this is going to be more significant in countries where people don't touch each other much. But I have checked my British Flirtation handbook (long story), and arm touching is key. If you touch a guy's arm, he is going to think you just might like him. And he should be flattered and encouraged, if encouragement is something he wants.
For aye, there's the carpet burn. Not all the guys we fancy and want to date are going to fancy or want to date us. And it's not us, it's them. They just have some other idea of who they want to date and who they are likely to fall in love with. There's not much you can do about that. Once you've figured out that Mr Wonderful is just not that into you, gracefully and charitably back off.
I think guys can grow on girls. We can become fond of the little blighters over time and sometimes Mr Hilarious But suddenly becomes The One. But I am not so sure men so often capitulate with a happy little sigh to the kind of girls they did not seek out for themselves. Sure, it happens, especially if sex is on offer. But marriage? Well, sometimes. But men are not as super-excited about marriage as women tend to be, so let's just say the engine might stall on the way to the chapel.
Meanwhile a girl who cluelessly flings herself at a man without any marked attentions on his part can be really annoying, both to the embarrassed man and to his friends and relations. And, hey, that girl has been me, so I'm not throwing stones here. I'm just stating a sad and inevitable fact of life.
Come to think of it, I shouldn't throw stones at memories of my adolescent self either because even back in the 80s and the 90s, older women were telling us younger women to go ahead and ask out men. We were told that this was the modern, progressive, sensible, adult, womanly thing to do. And I would have been spared much misery if I had not done it. Which is why I am banging on about it today.
*As far as I can make out, few things depress a man as much as thinking the object of his affections is SO smart, employed, independent and self-sufficient that she simply doesn't need him and he doesn't add much to her life. Personally, I err in the opposite direction, ("Gosh, B.A. If you just up and die, I am in serious trouble!!!") so once again, if anyone knows of any writing jobs going, contact me at seraphicsingles@yahoo.com.)
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